My TV Heroes, Part One

Just in case you didn't know, I LOVE watching TV. It doesn't matter if it is a broadcast channel or a DVD, I just enjoy being pulled into a different world for a little while. That is also why I love reading. Most evenings, I struggle with the decision of whether to read or just watch TV.

Recently, I have been thinking about characters and shows that either influence or define me in some way at this time. Two shows, in particular, floated to the top: 1) Buffy the Vampire Slayer and 2) Ugly Betty. While these shows seem to polar opposites, I have come to realize that the main characters are actually quite similar. Both Betty and Buffy represent "girl power." They have the ability to take control of any situation and be comfortable with themselves while doing it.

Because these two characters effect me in different ways, I am going to deal with them in two different entries. First, I will talk about Buffy.

For those of you that are not familiar with Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), let me give you a quick overview. Buffy Summers starts out the 7-season series as a typical student who has just transferred to Sunnydale High School. Well, I guess "typical" is really not the right word. Buffy has just been expelled from her high school in Los Angeles for burning down the school gym. She did this in the movie "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" to save the prom from vampires. This is really the only link to the 1992 "major motion picture." Buffy is a stereotypical "California-girl"--a blond, petite, cute, popular cheerleader. Of course, she hides a secret identity of the Vampire Slayer, the "Chosen One" who is charged with ridding the world of vampires and demons that threaten humanity. Unlike past Vampire Slayers, Buffy accepts and often relies on the help from friends. Willow, Xander, Giles and Buffy's mother are central to her life and decision making process. Buffy ends several apocalypses, dies twice, and still manages to have a few ill-fated relationships. She broke ground as a female superhero, a woman who does not need to be saved by men.

Buffy has an inner strength and the ability to appear confident in almost any situation. Although Buffy exudes confidence, she struggles with doubt and uncertainty. I think it is this quality that I most connect with. She has the ability to make things in her life seem OK when she clearly feels that things are not OK. Although some people might view confidence and giving confidence to other as a strength, I see this as a weakness that I can empathize with. Buffy spends so much time taking care of others, she often fails to take care of herself. The confidence she puts on for the benefit of others is merely a mask. Because she is responsible for protecting humanity from evil, Buffy often also protects her support system from what she considers "evil" thoughts and feelings. To "protect" her friends, she often runs away (both literally and figuratively).

It is her inner strength that allows her to fight not only vampires and demons, but also her weakness of giving in to self-doubt and fear of hurting others. I think this why I admire Buffy. She struggles with the same doubts and fears that I do.

Buffy considers her friends as one of the most precious gifts in her life and she is fiercely loyal and protective of them. Her loyalty is repaid by her friends risking life and limb for her. Buffy, Willow and Xander are always there for each other, although often they choose to fight their personal demons alone before they turn to each other for help. This is yet another characteristic that I relate with. For me, nothing is more valuable to me than my family and friends. But like Buffy and her friends, I tend to try to stick out difficult situations before I ask for assistance. It helps to know that my friends are as loyal to me as I am to them when I finally seek their help.

Well, I am going to go ahead and post this entry. I have been working on it for about 6 hours over the last month. I really haven't said everything about Buffy and her effect on my life but I think I have given you a hint of her importance to me.

Thanks for reading and God bless,

Devin

The Pins are Out!

The pins that were sticking out of my foot are gone!!!! Yay!

Today was the second official check-up with the foot doctor. Many thanks to Camika for spending part of her day off chauffeuring me to and from appointments!! I was able to look at x-rays of my foot before the pins were removed. To be honest, it looked more like X-Men than the Bionic Woman. I really had no idea how much metal had been residing in my foot for the last 6 weeks.

I cannot report on the removal of the pins because I took off my glasses and closed my eyes for the entire process. A bystander reported that I did very well and was "amazing." It was so nice to receive such support from a stranger.

Overall, the doctor is pleased with my progress. I think that the foot looks pretty hideous (especially around the skin grafts) but I do think that toes are beautifully straight! The doctor placed me in a walking cast with a cast shoe. I haven't actually walked on it yet but I have tried to put some weight on it. The next visit will be in four weeks and will include a new walking boot. After that a brace will be made so I can begin wearing shoes again.

I am still a little disappointed with my progress, although I am right on track with the doctor's original plan. I know that I am hard on myself and have unusually high expectations. I do my best to take each day as it comes and celebrate little victories. Please continue to pray for me to improve my patience and accept life as it is.

Thank you for reading and God bless,

Devin

I Feel Stuck

Loyal readers,

I apologize for not having many entries lately. Work has been going well, but I am often exhausted and just need to veg out and watch TV. Either that or I go to bed insanely early.

To be honest, I feel stuck.

While I know that this foot surgery was a good thing, I occasionally think that I may have made a mistake. I feel so helpless and I am not sure that all that I have been through is going to be worth it in the long run.

Part of me knows that I am in the middle of an life changing experience. When this is over, I will be able to walk more safely and efficiently. I have already learned to let go of control of the little details of my life and my patience has increased exponentially.

But the powerful, doubting part of me, worries about the effectiveness of the surgery. What if I have gone through all of this (despite the positive changes) and I walk worse than before?

I know that this is probably just a touch of depression and please, loyal readers, don't take this entry has as me looking for pity.

Please pray for me as I see the doctor tomorrow for a check-up. I am hoping for good news that will help my attitude turns around.

Thanks once again for reading and for your prayers and support.

God bless,

Devin

I Needed a Break

When I woke this morning, I felt like I had been hit by train (both physically and emotionally). I haven't been sleeping well last few nights due to waking up every couple hours.

Working full-time this week has been great because it keeps me busy and I get out of the house. It has also been harder on me physically than I would like to admit. Although I do my best to keep my foot elevated at work, it still becomes swollen and uncomfortable. When I come home, I do keep my "toes above my nose" but I think after 4 days, the pain and swelling just became too much to reduce overnight.

So, I decided that I needed a break for my foot and for myself. Honestly, I felt bad about abandoning work that needed to be done but I am in the process of learning that taking care of myself is just as important as caring for others. But I will say that I enjoyed my day.

I took 2 naps and slept for an additional 5 hours. The foot is still sore but I think the swelling has gone down. Tomorrow is Saturday, so I will have another day to rest. Hopefully, the foot will continue to heal in the coming days and weeks and my regular schedule will become less taxing.

Thanks for reading and God bless,

Devin